Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Friday, December 25, 2009

Chestnuts roasting on an open fire....

Who roasts chestnuts anyway...?

Today was pretty cool got to head up to Newark with my Dad and Stella to see the family. I felt proud of myself this year because I got something for nearly everyone this time. I got my dad a Philosophy reader with daily insights from the minds of Benjamin Franklin, James Madison, and other 17th century critical thinkers. I got my brother (Derek) I vinyl record of Glassjaws 'Everything you ever wanted to know about silence' Which I thought was totally awesome. He used to Dj and still collects vinyl so I thought it was a cool gesture.

and I got my cousins some megatron toys!! yess

I got some nice apparel from my dad

and some cookies =)

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Rock the Party

This past friday was very unpredicted. While at work my friends Robert and Jerrad said they were looking for something to do for the night. Jerrad had his girlfriend Chantel browse the interweb for something of interest in the city that might rear itself, possibly in SF. She eventually found a rave at the Regency Center featuring Dj Dan and Dj Steve Aoki. I was skeptical at first because there was already little parties in town that I was interested in attending but my dearest Nicole really wanted to go out of town. I was reluctant to comply but her along with Rob and Jer's excessive badgering I eventually caved.

and wow I don't regret it.

This venue was huuge. A ballroom with chandellers, second story balcony surrounding the walls and huge stage in the center. The architecture was very classic, I love when they use old, almost victorian buildings to host new age raves. Dj Steve Aoki was especially awesome. He even had a part where he cut the heavy trance/EBM music and asked the crowd, "Who wants to hear my punk rock shit??!" He then proceeded to jump off the turntables and scream in the mic while some fast, crunchy guitar and bass started emiting from the speakers. The raver crowd looked confused but I ate it up. I like when certain artists can exceed they're expected boundries of genre to cover something normally untouched and unconventional.

had to blog search the cd when I got home, its called "Pillowface" haha

Although very belated I'm posting my halloween rave pics from 'Fear 09' soon!

Monday, December 7, 2009

Thursday, November 26, 2009

the Atmosphere Between

Our show with Winds of Plague at Stockton Empire on Monday went well. Stick to your guns' set was the most fun. The energy was thick in that little theater, reminded me when I played with them 2 years ago. Hardcore isn't like that anymore. It was fun to glimpse the old days for a moment. We only got to play 3 songs but 2 were brand new, our new death metal song and 'Atmosphere between', they were pretty well received and the sound from the mic up was pretty crisp.

Oceano played, which I missed, but their 'Depths' album I like a lot. Sleeping Giant had a cut in the set were there vocalist took a moment to speak. It caught my attention, he said that when he was young, he thought he had a hold on life. He claimed to be about his friends and about his family, nothing else mattered. He was edge, god free, etc. etc. and driven by hate. Hate for the deceitful, the back stabbing, those who exploit or abuse others. He felt he conducted himself as a man with virtue. A person to stand against the lies and the filth that pollute this world.

Yet the whole time he was sleeping with his best friend's wife.

Ask any of his friends, and they would say he's a cool guy.

He's real

He's honest

He said he once was exactly what is now destroying this society in general.

Hate, blind sighted hate.

Which we all have good reason to have, hate against the world who casted us out. The world who showed us love, then showed us pain and depravity. To show us inhumanity. But we direct our hatred aimlessly, and put other agents of our lives to blame.

Like God

or our parents

He used his would be virtue to compensate for the fact that he was, in essence, an example of the putrid scum that he so whole heartily stood against.

But this misplaced hate and all hate itself will be our undoing. It's destructive to ourselves and others and only perpetuates itself. Forcing us to be more destructive, jealous, envious, vengeful. Wasting our heart and emotion on negative thoughts. It degrades integrity and our piece of mind.

But beneath all the shameless hate True Love exists and waits for us.

Beneath the lies that churches and organized religion feeds us there is the true love of God he holds for us. For us to find.

There is the natural world which we are forced to live in and there is the super natural world that we are meant for. That we deserve.

Being edge isn't enough, being christian isn't enough, being atheist isn't enough.

Disregarding the superficial masks and labels true love of God's light waits for us.
We all have a purpose we can bestow for ourselves. We can all become more than the trash talk and hate people reserve for us. We can climb above and exist higher than what the world has planed for us.

All we need to do is open our mind and heart.

The next day I got panda express with JayR and Nicole (<3 btw) My fortune was "A close friend will have good news for you."


Tomorrow is Thanksgiving and I'm driving to Fresno with Nicole to visit my Grandma, Uncle, Aunt, Cousins etc. It's 1.42 am and I need to sleep for tomorrow (today technically)

I have a lot to be thankful for =) d('-' )b

Saturday, October 17, 2009


"She says she 'loves' me, whatever that means, but I think what she actually is conveying is that she'd perfer the pain we mutually inflict on each other as opposed to the pain we otherwise inflict on ourselves, but I'm not afraid of that solitary pain. Does that answer your question?"

"What question?"

"Why we're getting a divorce."

"Hey it's your life. Sorry I even asked."

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

5150 graveyard pannel

I've been working a lot on my comic lately here are some rough pannels

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

The 'Odd'yssy

Lately I've been feeling as when I wake up in the morning I'm entering another life outside my own. As if I were waking into a lucid dream, where I'm aware of it's unreal nature.

Things, images, sounds, ideas, thoughts, feelings, even aromas fly by me daily and ignite a glympse of memory and imaginative take on what 'could have been.'

Or what will be...

Things that were once natural seem obscure and unfamiliar at times. Suggesting the natural world has changed around me. As if some 360 degree canvas is surrounding me and an image of this world is being projected against it, this fake, would be world. Frame by frame feeding my sensory and filling my mind and heart with its aspects and details.

I remember when I was young, things seemed brighter, more vibrant, alive and genuine. Apparently your senses are most accute at a very young age, when life felt as if magic blew with the wind, entwined with its freedom and unrestrained, boundless flow.

Ice Cream tasted better, so did rain and mac & cheese with cut up hot dogs.

Now, things, although adventurous, may come complacent, in an effort to re-inspire spontaneity and lust for life.

I went sky diving on saturday, and I have to say, that is the closest feeling to flying you'll ever get in this reality. In freefall, I felt like my anxieties and heavy heart fell with me. Then played a show w/ Wrath of Vesuvious and Matyrdom (if they didn't drop) in Los Banos. It was fun! Except for the desroyed air hockey table, truely a loss...

I'm reading 'Atlas Shrugged' by Ayn Rand. It's interesting causes it's a book about the future but it was written in the 50's. It talks of 'rows of neon lights behind plexy glass made the staircase, leading to offices filled with the clicking of rows of numerous typewriters.' lol

Comparable to '1984' by Orson Wells or 'Brave New World' by Aldous Huxley. Also futuristic interpretations from the bias of the early to mid 1900's culture and technology.

I wanna read 'the Odessy' by Homer next....

Wednesday, September 9, 2009


plutonic love is more everlasting

devotion and desire

in the days when the turmoils of the worlds become too much of a transgression

we learn to appreciate all that we hold for granted

amongst our verbs and similies

there is light that shines but the shades of our personal endeavors blot our vision

a veil of ritual

keep things frosty

uncertainty creates sainctity

unpredictablity begats creativity

Tuesday, June 30, 2009

ends to justify the means

On Father's day my Dad told me it feels to him that my brother is drowning. As if a weight is hooked to his ankle and slowly, but consistantly, dragging him into dark phathoms of water. My Dad said he reaches over the egde as far as he can to grab my brother's hand, which is all that is left above the surface, yet he cant pull him up. Only feel his hand and forearm slip through his fingers. Despite his attempt, his strengh doesn't suffice, and the more he reaches, the more he can just feel him slipping. As if it were easier to merely watch insead of feel.

I wish I could absorb their pain so neither would have to endure.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

Beyond a Doubt

I'll wait for the answers someone else has given you.
I'll wait for days.
I failed my heart for way too long.
I've fallen apart, but that's over now.
Those who disrespected me tread upon broken glass and they will not last.
I gave everything I had just to be here.
Their words don't mean shit and life's not fair.
So wait for days all alone with the false idea of truth.
Pray for the empty walls you built 'round your hope.
This is my last request to you before it's too late.
Cherish the time you've been given to look forward.
Go ahead lie to my face, but just for today.
I remember everything.
I failed my heart for way too long.
I've fallen apart, but that's all over now.
It's time to set this straight.
We won't turn back now.
You turned your back on me.
Call out for friends you don't have.
We won't turn back now.
You turned your back on me

Thursday, May 14, 2009

I can spell Konfusion with a 'K' and like it.

The deepest inclinations of my own insight can still leave me blind.

The Colossus and the Minotaur are at endless blood wridden war within my heart.

Show tomorrow w/ With Grace We Fall, and a Shootout in Paris, as well as some others, its a benefit show, not sure for what, but it is the benefit of something, which I always feel good about doing.

Its called 'find a cure'

for what, I'm not entirely sure

Thursday, May 7, 2009

Five songs that remind me of her.....

1. Murs - the Break up
2. Something Corporate - Konstantine
3. T.a.T.u. - All the Things She Said
4. Emmure - Fist Fights with Dogs
5. Somethings Corporate - I Kissed a drunk Girl

I hate hot Cheetos I mean don't get me wrong I love hot Cheetos but the red powdery residue makes me avoid eating them and therefore I leave the bag un opened sitting in my car for days at a time. Every time I consider eating them another situation comes up where it would not be ideal to have red, powdery substances filling the creveses in my fingerprints. These include, but are not limited to, playing bass, playing video games, attempting to draw, driving, touching clothes, touching the keyboard, touching most anything, execpt of coarse more Cheetos, but thats a given.

I'd rather be Aeithiest or Polytheistic, nothing in between. Cause multiple gods of thunder and rain and harvest are more fun to worship then just one. How brutally epic would it be to have to appease vengefull gods as they punish with natural disasters and drought. Gods that have battles amongst themselves and the celestial drama that unfurls. Gods like, Horus, Osiris, Anubis, Set, Rah, of the Egyptian myth or gods like Zeus, Ares, and Aphrodite of the Greek origin. Odin, best example, Norse god of war, death, wisdom, and poetry. Thats brutal.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Ness, Liz and I went and ventured to Golden Gate park in SF today for 4/20. We ended up showing up around dusk so it was dying down a bit but it was still fun. There was some guy dancing like Eddie Gordo from Tekken, and a fire spinner person lol. Then we got to eat noodles! I got the egg, chicken, and rice noodle soup and it was quite delectible.

There was an Atmosphere concert today that I was considering to go to, and a Giants game over SBC park!! All in San Frisco today (well techically yesterday) yet we just ended up going to the park, walking around Haight, and getting noodles. I couldn't be happier.

3 blunts XD

Thursday, April 16, 2009


My birthday was totally rad this year. I got to see all of my friends. Jayr, Aaron and Manuel came through to my house at midnight as it turned to birthday. We danced around in the street. I got to eat chicken garlic pizza, and cupcakes Vannessa made me!

I went to garage mob for a bit, saw Mike, Paul and Silva, and even Steph, Heather, and Sam. My dad got me tshirts and a towel loll. I even got to see the Dragonball movie!! Which in my opinion was a lot better than expected.

Justin and I went to Tahoe with our friend Kenny this past monday. We actually won and got eggs benedict. We left at 2am for some reason and saw the sun come up from its reflection on the casino windows across the street.

Also I played Stockton Empire finally with Alighieri. The show went really well and it was super fun. Arsonists get all the girls were fun to kick it with, and I got a free hoodie out of it =D

Monday, April 6, 2009

Looking back

Beaches of Normandy was an eclectic experience for me. I got to see, hear, and feel so much in the 2+ years we spent together. All the music, all the ridiculous fun we had at practice, the mob machine, the people. The 2 tours we went on I will never forget for the rest of my life. We got to meet so many new faces and bands, got to hear new music from new places. So much support from all sides of the spectrum. The Radio shows, sleeping in the van. The dedicated loving fans. Especially the one that made us a cake! This was a milestone in my life. I learned so much and developed so much, musically, mentally, spiritually and otherwise.

Driving through a snowy tundra at 4am in the middle of the northern west coast trying not to swerve off the edge of the road as car accidents are happening all around us and Mike is spun of 4 rockstars and ranting about 2pac comming from space on dubs. Jay R and I burning with almost everyband we met. Corey and his headband. I even am appreciative of the friendships I once had with Art and Anthony.

and Kyle and Mike's contribution as well.

It was sad the series of events that had to befall us, and I do take blame for that which is my fault. I wish I could take back certain things. However I have learned from the hardships as well as the glory.

Jerbs you are one of my best friends and I will always love you.

Cordog we'll always be good thru thick and thin.

Manual we seen some shit together but you've not only helped this band immensely but myself to develop true integrity as a person. For that I thank you.

JayR said it best, you were more than fans, and this was more than a band. This was a group of friends chasing the dream. Someday I'll tell my grandkids how I used to play bass for the Beaches of Normandy.

I hope the best for all who was involved in making and supporting this. I will never forget any of you. Some day I'll frame this picture with my memory....

Wednesday, April 1, 2009


These last couple weeks have been been quite eventful. This past Saturday I went to San Bernadino with Slerpa, Apok, Vanessa, Tiny and the corrisponding crew. We attended the "Paid Dues" underground hiphop festival presented by Murs 3:16 and Gurilla Union. I got to see Atmosphere, Tech N9ne, Cage, B real, Eyedea, Elemental etc.

It was a blast and there was giant fountain you could stare at and reflect on you life inbetween emcees while your friends are taking a nap.

After, I went and saw White Chapel, Veil of Maya and Suffocation @ Modesto Virtual and Monday. Ultimate Brutaility but no dancing DX. However I did get to hang with White Chapel for a while and totally burn with Veil the whole night lawlz (but everyone does).

Went to Santa Cruz wednesday. Ness wasn't able to join =(. But it was sooo nice, the water, the weather, I got to gather fire wood!! Made a bonfire and made too many smores with sand in them.

And friday I helped Security at Stockton Empyre. That was a crazy show wtf 300 kids of mixed scenes going ape shit on eachother... then brokencyde. Ismfof didn't even play their cover of Soldja boy.

looking forward to 2nite!! Me and Alighieri get to play with some indie bands!! ... and metal bands.... at the same


pics pics pics

Marc from Veil of Maya

Easter Bunny

Saturday, March 21, 2009

Its rather surprising

how some people can cast you off like a used band aid.

I'm convinced that my life will always pan out in this direction. Apparently i have no tangeble depth to my character and I will always be a fling in girls lives due to my own oblivious mindset. I will always have this stipulation.

I seem to be surrounded by perfect boyfriends and I am simply at a loss to my intrinsic core, Its unescapeable.

You ever just watch the world pass you by, frame by frame, like a film strip? and instead of you decideding your life's process, you kinda just watch it happen as if it were written in a script. As if despite every attempt you make at improving your existance you're simply toppled down as merely a faulted pawn in god's sick, benevolent plan.

Saturday, March 7, 2009

Questioning of faith....

1. If we are created in God's image and are a reflection of him then that would suggest that he is a reflection of us as well. Does that mean he shares the same flaws as us? The bible showcases several examples of him showing such emotion as avarice, wrath, vengeance, jealousy, envy etc. I.e. Flooding the earth, spreading plague, killing the first born of families and so on. If God is in fact infallible and all knowing wouldn't he not share our flaws of emotion that drive us to do unethical things? The Alpha and Omega should show more integrity then that.

2. Noah built an ark, with the help of a few family and friends. This ark allegedly held not just EVERY SPECIES ON THE PLANET but TWO OF EVERY SPECIES ON THE PLANET. This includes but is not limited to giraffes, antelopes, garden snakes, chinchillas, komodo dragons, platypi, lions, tigers, polar bears, sloths, spider monkeys and so on. Not only is that inconceivable but it would be a slaughterhouse. Not only would the ark need to be larger than the Titanic but it would have to withstand a worldwide flood. The lions would be eating the antelopes, the elephants would trample everything, the rhinoceri would demolish the wooden cubbies they were assigned. Noah would be one of the first to die.

3. If we are blessed with free will how is our lives predestined? How can God know all of what is to come if we have free will? The concept of God suggest that we are merely puppets in his malicious play.

maybe more....

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

It's been a while...

Quite a while actually and I feel it appropriate to update this thing. A lot has happened the the last month or so. I'm now immersed in the prog band Alighieri full time and I'm booking shows for them, which is going surprisingly well. We have like 4 shows in March (too much? lol) I feel like the dynamics of the music is expansive and stretching my musical ability. Helping me grow intuitively.

Some Camera phone pic adventures!!

The turn out at our hot topic show=

Abigail Williams @ Modesto Virtual (had a heart to heart with their drummer haha)

Me showcasing my cross joint (in semblance to Pineapple Express)

Another, better look at my architectural work


Emarosa @ Stockton Empire Theatre

Johnny Craig from Emarosa & me (lol)

Despised Icon!!! @ Veteran's hall in Santa Cruz

Sunday, January 4, 2009

This Week...

Has been amazing.

I went to my first rave on new years eve at the virtual XD

It was euphoric. I was pulling on the strings of heaven. My friend Jessica took me with a few of her friends. I got to meet so many people and dance till I collapsed.
At the stroke of midnight there was a net holding a bunch of balloons to the ceiling and the whole crowd jumped and tore the net and all the balloons showered down on us. With the lights and the beat it was a new experience.

However the cops raided the place around 2 and a bunch of people got arrested who were thizzing and such. Including the people we came with. So Jessica and I were stranded for a min but some guy we met at the rave invited us to some after party in turlock.
So we did that and partied till 8am lol. We then to to Britney's house in Modesto and slept till like 4pm.

haha I didn't get back to Tracy till the 2nd. My life is a movie.

This is my life

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Tracy, CA, United States
My thoughts are poured onto these pages