Saturday, November 29, 2008

open window

I didn't see this coming. I haven't felt this way in ages. I've only known her a little bit but she already gives me that tingly feeling that makes me choke on my words.

I feel like that sweaty palmed freshmen that has a crack in his voice lol.

Part of me welcomes that fuzzy, disassociating, comfort and warmth. Yet another part doesn't want to shed this hardened shell that took to long to callus. I felt stronger, mentally and emotionally.

But this, this opens my armor and exposes my core, leaving me vulnerable.

Is it worth it to build an empire only to watch it topple down and crumble in the wake of war? Or is it better to stand in the ruin of forgotten empires to learn from its past and not reconstruct again?

Monday, November 24, 2008

black skies

last night was pretty funn

Over 500 kids showed up to modesto virtual for the pierce the veil show, although the circulation to my legs were in jeapordy due to the tirades of scene girls overflowing eachother trying to get to the stage. We were assigned to be the human barricade. All four of us XD

I do like working security there though. Its a nice venue with virtual reality games and brutal/happy shows.

I've noticed something...

Love is not eternal. Nor is it everlasting. Its not made of stone, its more like fire. Feeding off oxygen while turning whatever its burning into ashes so it can drift and dissipate into the sky.

Love can disintegrate. Life itself is composed of specific moments of perfection. Like an unbalanced molecule thats cannot sustain for more than seconds and collapse. True love is also this abstract and unstable, complicated yet simple.

Emotion corrupts logic, yet it begets hope. Logic trumps emotion, yet gives life to cynicism.

the left and right sides of my brain need to have a meeting.

Thursday, November 20, 2008


was very eventful

you could call it closure

and I got to work security at the faceless, abigal williams, and neuraxis show


Tuesday, November 18, 2008


After the recent events that I've experienced, lasting through a good amount of confusion and pain in the beginning, I believe I've learned a lot. I felt lost at first. I felt the sheer concept of moving on seemed more unattainable by the day. At the same time I felt betrayed and wanted to move on in any direction. Regaining independence would take some thinking. I became acquainted with the idea of loss. This realization came one day at a time. I came to terms with who I could actually trust. I noticed that most people, including me, will take aspects of their life for granted.

A lot of times people seem to be ultimately concerned with themselves and what they can attain. Any sense of empathy is only defined by how other peoples actions effect themselves. We develop acquaintances and friendships through experience, and lose them just the same.

Best Friends become strangers, true love can shatter and dissipate into nothing. People cut the strings of attachment as often as they cut hair.

I began to realize I had drifted and betrayed and back stabbed as well without even thinking twice sometimes.

I began to become acquainted with integrity of character. I realized that consequence follows everything. The people you decide to take into consideration or that you neglect to when making selfish decisions can end up being your best friends.

People have worth. Varying levels of worth.

You dictate your own with the decisions you make. You define the meaning of life as it pertains to you and the depth of the relationships you build

This is my life

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Tracy, CA, United States
My thoughts are poured onto these pages